


Mortified

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Phandom Fic Fests, Sex Toys, alien!phil, innocent!phil, sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 22:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15301299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: phil can always rely on dan to answer his questions about earth. so when he finds a mysterious object underneath their bed, he goes to dan about it





	Mortified

**Author's Note:**

> i told myself i would participate in all of the phandom fic fests this month
> 
> granted, this wouldn't have been that bad if i wasn't asexual, but
> 
> i made phil an alien bc lets be real phil is a thirty one year old man living with dan. he knows what a vibrator is

Phil had learned loads of things since coming to earth. What pizza was, different anime shows, and even what it was like to have a boyfriend. He was lucky to be living with Dan, the same person who took him in after he had been left wandering around on the streets, and the same person who had stolen Phil’s heart.

Granted, Phil didn’t have a heart, but according to Dan that was an expression.

Dan was always more than willing to answer Phil’s questions, no matter how weird they were sometimes. So when Phil found a strange looking object that vibrated, he automatically went searching for Dan.

He found him in the lounge, reclined with his laptop on his lap, a blank expression on his face.

“Hey Dan, I found something underneath your bed?” Phil lifted up the foreign object, catching Dan’s attention.

Dan’s face turned a brilliant shade of red and he started stammering. He quickly placed his laptop aside, slamming the lid shut.

“Phil-I-why were you looking underneath my bed?”

Phil shrugged innocently. “I dropped my sock and when I was getting it, I noticed this thing laying there? I didn’t know what it was so I thought I’d ask you.”

Dan stared at him in disbelief. “Are you being serious?”

Phil frowned. “Yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Dan sighed. He never thought he’d be having this conversation, explaining what the fuck a sex toy was, yet here he was. “Well, uh, you know what sex is, right?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. We’ve had sex before, remember?”

Dan spluttered, thoroughly embarrassed. “Wh-whatever. The point is that… thing is basically meant to replicate sex? But without having another person.” 

Phil looked at the object, processing what Dan had said. “So… it’s like a dick?”

Dan groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Yes, I suppose so.” This was the worst day of his life.

Phil nodded, enthusiastic about his new discovering. “And you stick this up your ass, right?”

Dan didn’t think it was possible to be more mortified than he already was. “Yes, that’s-that’s what you do.”

“So why does it vibrate, then?” Phil asked, inspecting the object as if it held the secret to the mysterious vibrations.

Dan was at lost as to what to say. “It vibrates for uh, pleasure?”

Phil nodded. That made sense, he suppose a bit of movement would feel better than if something was simply stuck up there. 

Dan sighed again, finally removing his hands from his face. “Do you have anymore questions or can I put it away now?”

“Only one more,” Phil promised, “have you used it before?”

Dan gawked at him, then snatched the object from Phil’s hands. “You know what-no, I’m not answering that. I’m done talking about sex toys, now excuse me while I put this where you’ll never find this again.” Dan stormed off towards his room, Phil giggly behind him.

“You have used it then!”

“I said I wasn’t answering that!”


End file.
